G.I. Joe Retaliation 2013

Another Obama Era film from 2013, one of my favorite recent years for cinema. It was such a highly political year for films and Hollywood was just starting to embrace the voice of social media and not yet trying to control it. In 2012, they fed into the hysteria of Mayan calendar apocalypse and with 2013 the bipartisan executives and stars either saw Obama as the Muslim Illuminati antichrist or flipped off the racist paranoid conspiracy theories. A few in the middle saw him for what he is: a popular NeoLiberal puppet with questionable authority but a typically human guy.

GI Joe 2 is interesting because it can't make up its mind and rather cowardly but fiscally walks the line. It casts Dwayne Johnson (Hollywood's Obama surrogate) as its hero. The Rock, like Obama, is a decent person with mediocre skill but a unique star magnetism. Interestingly, as "Roadblock", The Rock plays a militant lackey who is only in authority because the first GI Joe film's All-American white boy protagonist is killed. Already we get rightwing whistleblowing that blacks are subordinate and this liberal change is only temporary. The film shoehorns in some Asian characters for the Asian market but always reminds us that they are inferior to Snake Eyes. That would be true to the source material but its offensive here because Snake Eyes is barely in the story at all and the Asian characters are very important to the plot. In Michael Bay fashion, women are stripper-ish eye candy who are just skilled enough to not come off as mannequins. There's also the lame homophobia and colorism that comes along with every Dwayne Johnson role. Can we admit this guy is a sellout already? If he thinks Barack failed to live up to Ronald Reagan I would say The Rock has failed to live up to Arnold Schwarzenegger.

The topper is the plot set-up by the 2009 predecessor's cliffhanger ending: that The President is a plant from the shadowy Deep State terrorist group Cobra. Now this would be a fair criticism of Obama's NeoLiberal and CIA ties, but "Retaliation" goes out of its way to draw parallels to Isis and The Illuminati. The entire film is a rightwing nut's militaristic fever dream that stops short of Reptilians ruling the planet (ironically, that IS the plot of the far superior 1987 GI Joe animated film).

Obama wasn't the superhero the Democrats claimed he was, but he was far from a bad guy. He was bad at national security, instituting crazy government abuses of surveillance and drone strikes and, when the Dems actually got control of the Senate, he didn't do much for the American citizen unless you were gay or rich. Because he played to whatever the leaders of the party wanted. This is what EVERY president has done since Kennedy. So why cast Obama as a demon? Why replace him with Trump? Because really, as this moronic meathead film displays, Republicans just want strong old school white male values in place with everyone lower than them on the pyramid food chain. Just... because. It feels right to them and this film disgustingly feeds that insanity, selfishness and inferiority. Oh yeah. For no real reason, the 2nd half of the film throws in a pointless role for Bruce Willis to browbeat The Rock, shoot people and give the Joes old white men as backup.

Its odd because while far from egalitarian or radically progressive the G.I. Joe franchise is very much against the regression, racism and sexism in this film. This film lacks the dark faces, estrogen and democratic patriotism that even Stephen Sommers brought to the childish 2009 film.

I love the G.I. Joe cartoon and comic books. This shitty, cynical film has nothing to do with it. It lacks the heart and most of the characters that G.I. Joe fans love. I'm not even talking about kids. A gritty Christopher Nolan style G.I. Joe film isn't a bad idea, but it should avoid everything this film is. But it shouldn't be "Dunkirk" either.

Anchorman 2 2013

When I saw this in theaters, I was maybe the only person laughing. While it does lose steam in the 2nd half, this satire of news media and specifically rightwing Fox News was a bold Hollywood "fuck you" to the masses that is even more appreciated now in a post-Trump world where media is regressing into conservativism, lowest common denominators and commerce over art.

The film underperformed and had cold reactions from fans of the original Anchorman and was ignored by the "serious film" snobs who failed to see the humor in it. While AM1 was an ironic W. Bush-era celebration of republican white male incompetency, younger audiences missed the joke and saw it a string of catchy one-liners that were paying liberal lip-service. AM2 rectifies this by being aggressively critical of "The Patriarchy". It doesn't play footsie with fratboys and is over giving homage to the lowbrow dad humor comedies of the 70s/80s. Where the first film held a loving mirror up to the dated liberalism of the Ford/Carter administrations, this sequel is a no-hold-barred reflection of Reagan Era racism, sexism, capitalism and cultural irresponsibility. Fans of Will Ferrell should be aware of this light/dark, safe/radical schism in his career sensibility. The 2 "Best of" SNL volumes for Farrell reflect this well.

I would love an Anchorman 3. It seems even more necessary than Part 2, which was a valiant defense of moderate liberalism and an overly gracious resistance to rightwing America's bigoted anti-Obama rhetoric. But we're dealing with a much worse threat now in Trump, who is the exact foot that this great comedy legacy was made to lampoon. An Anti-Trump Anchorman 3 would do be moral support for the entire country and depower the witless white nationalists trying to influence the mainstream. Oh, and it would probably make a fortune too.

But besides the brilliant political satire, the film is just a great exercise in film comedy. Director Adam McKay's formula of improv dialogue, campy acting and ensemble scenes wins... mostly. I think this film suffers from too many celebrity cameos, a terribly unfunny child actor and not relying enough on the cast chemistry of the original. The original 4 comedians are electric together but they don't have many moments to shine. Steve Carrel has a bigger part as he became a bigger star in 9 years, but half of his screentime is dedicated to the less funny Kristine Wiig, who has since fizzled as a comic. Christina Applegate is mostly replaced by Meagan Good and its actually delightful, but then she returns in the duller 2nd half. Hollywood's pro-Hillary agenda is way too distracting here and the politics of star egos is palpable. Thankfully we are past Hillary and Paul Rudd (who is fabulous here) has become a star with a No 1 film to his name.

The only issue with an Anchorman 3 is setting it in an appropriate time span. Would it be set during the first George Bush era? I think that would be an unpopular masterstroke. Sure, no one under 30 remembers that era. Who cares? There's a lot of late 80s/1990s nostalgia and that was such a hilariously lame transition in pop culture. And yet its a rich moment in comedy history to highlight, analyze and lampoon. Caddyshack 2, anyone? SNL Season 10, anyone? "Donnie Darko" nailed that obscure but important time period beautifully so McKay and Ferrell can do it justice.

I can hear the cheesy Whitesnake soundtrack already.